The Importance of Sex: Reasons people go off sex

Sex and happiness

Studies repeatedly show that married couples of all ages who report higher levels of relationship satisfaction also report having good sex lives. It’s pretty much accepted across the board of relationship therapists that not having sex when you  want to makes people unhappy, causing feelings of frustration, depression, rejection, self-doubt, difficulty concentrating and low self-esteem.

The definition of a “sexless” relationship is one in which sex occurs 10 or fewer times per year, but studies show that many couples aren't even achieving that.

Sex and research

When British psychotherapist Brett Kahr carried out a sex survey of 19,000 people in the UK in 2007, he found that 21% of women and 15% of men have no sex at all and a further 32% have sex less than once a month.

Research from the sociology department at Georgia State University suggests that about 15% of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the past six months to one year. Denise Donnelly, who led the study, was asked the following:

Can people in a marriage that has become sexless rekindle their sex lives?

“Some do. But once a marriage has been sexless for a long time, it’s very hard. One or both may be extremely afraid of hurt or rejection, or just entirely apathetic to their partner. They may not have been communicating about sex for a very long time (if ever) and have trouble talking about it. Couples who talk over their sex lives (as well as other aspects of their marriages) tend to have healthier marriages, but it’s hard to get a couple talking once they've established a pattern of non-communication.”

There are mixed opinions about what to do to rekindle marital sex. For some couples, it may be as simple as a weekend away from the kids, taking a vacation or cruise, or just having some time off, alone. Others may need help in re-establishing communication and may seek professional assistance. The sad fact is that there are few counselling professionals that deal with this issue. Often, marriage counsellors focus on other aspects, rather than sex. While these other aspects may play a big role in sexual inactivity, talking explicitly about sex is essential.”

Are people in sexless marriages more likely to get divorced?

Studies show that  people in sexless marriages report that they are more likely to have considered divorce, and that they are less happy in their marriages.”

Reasons people go off sex

Some of the most common reasons for decline in sex in long-term relationships are:

·         Depression

·         Stress

·         Alcohol

·         Female sexual dysfunction

·         Erectile dysfunction

·         Male Mid-Life Crisis

·         Menopause

·         Ageing

·         Online infidelity

·         Infidelity

·         Porn

·         Low libido

·         Negative body image

·         Children

·         Pregnancy

·         Monogamy and Monotony

·         Unresolved conflict

Too busy for sex?

Obviously there are other health problems that can affect your sex life, ranging from back pain, insomnia, arthritis, migraine and asthma, but with a third of British couples spending only 30 minutes of quality time together a day and a general culture of longer working hours, tiredness, household chores and childcare can all make it easy simply to get out of the habit of having sex, which is detrimental to most relationships.